Together

As friendly as we Richardsons are in general, we are quite private people. Our inner, personal thoughts stay inside us. Well, not always with me so much. I let more out, through this space.

But don't go to the other three expecting much. Oh, they do feel deeply, but it's quieter than my feelings. They act fine, while the pain remains simmering inside. And that's as they prefer it. Let them be who they are. Don't prod for more. You won't get it, and will only hurt them.

I know you want to know how they're doing with my coming demise. Yet if you ask, the answer most likely to spring to their minds is, "I hate this. Life sucks. My Mom (wife) is dying. There is nothing I can do to help her. How the hell do you think I feel?" Then out loud, "Oh, I'm fine." They're not going to share their inner hearts. But they do care that you care how they are.

Steve goes from day to day caring for my most basic needs, doing everything and even more than one could consciously want done. But it's all good and appreciated. And he never gets weary or mad in front of me. But his heart is dying every day. Life without his beloved, or the thought of it's reality, is a nightmare about to come true. Don't ask him how he's doing. You have that knowledge here.

Morgan remains humorous and helpful. She lays down with me every night, rubs me, holds me, sits quietly or talks, depending... Often she simply watches me and touches me. "Don't ask me how I feel, Mom. You know." I do. I know her heart is breaking and there's no cure.

Sam had said he's stay away when this time came, but still he comes to my room every day. He still talks and laughs. He still touches the tip of my finger, a "secret" code with him and me. The thing is, he initiates it now, not just me. He looks at me more often, in the eye. I gave him my bulky silver ring, the only one that would suit a man. He took it. It's his now. When the the time is right, he'll wear it, and remember me.

And me? I'm going to soon step over into glorious joy, and not miss them. It will be heaven and one day they will be there too. My pain will be over, and someday they will be in that place too. So don't feel sad for them for too long. For awhile, yes, but we know where we are going. We are going to be together.