I Can't See the Wind, So It Must Not Exist

For the past week, the view out the dining room window has been gorgeous. I look out to see a red, gold, orange and yellow leafed tree, bordered by the still green leaves of everything else. Fabulous. Stunningly bright and beautiful. Today it's half bare. The wind blows and life goes on, cycle after cycle.

Have you ever seen the wind? No of course not, we only see the effects of it. Today a few leaves are moving slightly, but once in awhile they almost jiggle with excitement as little gusts flutter around. Some days entire branches sway back and forth. Sometime soon the leaves on the ground with fly up into the air in a swirling dance, landing somewhere as yet unknown. All that visible, physical activity, but we can't see the wind itself, just what it does.

Have you watched the leaves turn colors? No, not, "Wow, look outside. The trees have all turned red or brown." I mean have you ever looked at a green leaf without turning away until it is orange? or yellow? ...or gone? Yes, we notice the gradual changes, but none of us have seen the change actually happening. Hey, I've probably seen my own face in a mirror 99.9% of my days. No, I never saw it grow old, but it is. Things happen that we cannot see.

Can you see the love someone has for you? The love you have for someone else? No, you can't. Oh, you see the effects of that love, but not the love itself. A kiss, a hug, a gift...all due to love, but they are not the love. Love is very real in your life, but you cannot literally see it for itself - it's not meant to be seen, or even understood I suppose. Just experienced.

So much of one's life is invisible to the eye, but is totally believed in, sensed or felt in our hearts. So why is it that people who experience and believe without doubt that these things exist are so loathe to believe that an invisible God can exist? What, we can't actually see Him, so He must not be real?

"Well, I see the leaves moving, so wind must exist." "The leaves changed colors, and it doesn't matter that I can't explain that scientifically." "I feel such joy and passion for this person so my love must be real." Okay, you choose to believe in some things you absolutely cannot see or understand, since it makes sense to do so.

Yet it makes no sense to believe in God, since you can't see Him, is that it? Tell me, how is that any different? You see unexplainable things happen, but rather than attribute them to an all-knowing God, you think, "That just happened. God is the fantasy of fools and dreamers."

Oh really?

Tips For A Full Life

1. Get born.
2. Listen enough to learn something.
3. Eat well and enjoy the gifts of the earth. (Except for lima beans, no way.)
4. Learn how to read so as to have access to truth (Bible), mystery (Sherlock Holmes) and unexpected faith (Annie Lamott).
5. Laugh, and make others laugh, especially when it hurts. It hurts less then.
6. Love for the sake of giving, not getting.
7. Help things grow: my kids, my garden, my patience, my knowledge, my love for Steve.
8. Live in today, not tomorrow. Just relax and live 24 hours at a time, then do it again, and again, till it ends.
9. Put others first, me last.
10. Go home.

Pissed Off

How's that for a nice title by a Christian writer?! But I am.

Why is it that some people (am I crazy in thinking it's usually men?) think they are above the rest of mankind? As in doctors. (Insert loud growling noise from grown woman.) I'm sure you've dealt with your share of arrogant professionals who treat you like dirt too. One of Steve's doctors/jerkoffs has called - yet again - to reschedule an appointment made in March of this year. That's seven freakin' months ahead of time, but somehow not good enough.

Now the guy who supposedly has devoted his life to practicing medicine has decided he has something better to do on a Friday afternoon than see his already scheduled patients. Like maybe go to some sporting event, or a little vacation to some island. Jerk. Yes, I'm angry. (Note to self: never write when angry or you'll look like a dope. I don't care.)

...

So, after that last sentence, I made some calls, found a new gastroenterologist, one who can see a new patient within 6 weeks, no 7 month wait. And I'm about to call and fire, okay cancel the aforementioned doctor. He canceled his appointments one too many times for us. No slander here, just the facts of how he runs his practice.

I know full well that this guy will never know, care or be harmed by our "firing" him. But his name is Michael Epstein of Annapolis, MD. Thought you'd like to know his name, in case you ever need a throat doctor. You'll know who not to call.

So Full

Did you ever think (or assume) that you'll never see someone again? Someone from your past who might have been important, but with life moving forward you simply know it won't ever happen? Then it does happen. How wonderful is that?!

The phone rang this afternoon while we were watching an old movie. Phone numbers show momentarily on our TV, so we usually don't answer unless we recognize it. I didn't know this one, but something made me answer anyway. "Hello, is this Linda Richardson?" "Yes." The voice was vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place it. "Hi, this is Dr. Hardy-Cartwright." My heart skipped a beat.

On the phone was the doctor who diagnosed my cancer ten years ago, the woman who probably saved my life. My heart was in my throat. She had just left her church service and wanted to know if she could come by our house to say hello. In shock, I said yes.

She'd gotten my note about the book, and was so moved (had she even thought of me all these years?) that she wanted to see me. Twenty minutes later, there she was at my door, a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers in her hands. Her eyes lit up as she said, "Oh, I DO remember you!" We sat and talked for awhile. It had been over five years since I last saw her (now seeing my oncologist instead monthly) yet I've never forgotten her kindness and wonderful care. Still beautiful, she hasn't aged at all. And now I realize that she is also a Believer. What a small world.

We talked about my treatments, subsequent surgeries, chemo, and Dr. Boice, with whom she still associates. And she understood it all. So, I'm boring you, but for me, it was a total treat. This woman saved my life. And now she's about to read 'the rest of the story.' I was simply her patient from long ago, but she cared enough to come see me, all these years later. Can you believe that?!

My life is so full. My health is so bad. But my life is so full.