It Is Enough

That's it. It's over. Done, thank God! Get me out of this year of misery and pain! Good riddance 2010!

I have never, ever suffered like this. Ten years ago I was ten years younger and ten years stronger. Back then, I never prayed I could just die from the misery of cancer. Not so this time. Apparently I am not that good with pain, especially the mind-numbingly excruciating kind. Who is?

Well, it wasn't all bad. I did grow closer to Leslie, and am so thankful for knowing her, thankful that she too loves me, and for having her nearby on the peninsula. And Nan has stayed so close, calling me every few days to see what I need, stopping by on occasion to visit. What a blessing they both are.

My book got published. I wanted to be a writer at age ten, and would sit in my closet, writing ridiculously horrid fiction stories that were so bad that even I refused to read them. Gave up that potential career for my entire life, then started to write for real a few years ago. So, DWTP exists in spite of me.

I also finished "Okay, Then", my book on Sam, and learned to know him better because of it. Whether published or not, it was worth it to go through the journey of those memories.

As a result of over two years of collaboration, Leura, my editor, is now my friend. I can tell because she mailed her family Christmas letter to me. Seriously, that means more than anyone could know. I'm on her "it" list! We do still write random notes to one another. And we've only met twice. With 1500 miles between us, I'm thankful for email. For now, it will be enough. Besides, not that many people share my type of humor, but she does. And she is wickedly funny, but not wicked.

Zoe and I became friends this year. I've only known her since she was born 32 years ago, but now I finally really know her. Well, more than I did. And I like her. A lot.

And Matthew is free. And a Believer. Oh how I hope we can see him more, know him better, love as he needs and wants to be loved. His life matters to me.

I helped Sam find a job where other Aspergians work. No, he doesn't love it, but they treat him well, pay him well, and it can lead to better things.

Though the reasons are not good, I learned once again what an amazing man, nurse, caretaker, husband, person Steve is. I've been incapacitated and in great need of help for 6 1/2 weeks, and he has yet to throw me out the window. He even sometimes rubs my legs, my back, makes me food, brings me liquids, and kisses away my tears. Morgan and Sam do kindnesses when asked, but Steve is the one who offers without my asking.

So, lousy year at first glance with the cancer nightmare, but not so bad if I remember all of it. I am loved. It is enough. Goodbye 2010. Happier New Year to everyone I love.