Abnormal

Hey! What's going on? I feel normal. And that's not normal. I'm not in pain. I am a bit hungry. I'm not depressed, and I have stuff to do. Nothing about that list is normal, not lately anyway.

I met a friend in Bowie today, a 60 minute round-trip. Before I left, I thought, "Oh, it's so far, but I'll make it. I won't complain...(poor me).... Why couldn't she just come here...(poor me)?" But once I arrived, it seemed like nothing at all, and I didn't pass out from weariness. Hm.

I even stopped at a nearby shop before returning home - something I never do anymore, since shopping is oh, so hard! I bought a new cutting board to replace the one I ruined with a hot pan. I ran a real live errand. Hm.

Yesterday I mailed a standard form to a publisher in England. I'm trying to find one to take on my book about Sam, about Asperger's. Why an English publisher? Well, I had the name, so why not? And, they published some books about Asperger's already, so again, why not? I figured I'd hear back in a month or so. Well, wrong again. They replied within 12 hours. They want to read more of my draft. Hm.

I usually read about five books a year, tops. I'm now reading "Kidnapped" by Robert Louis Stevenson. It's the sixth book I've read in the past six weeks, most being classics that I managed to never read while in school. Plus, some history books, including one by Sarah Vowell, a brilliant woman. I'm hoping my daughter, an English teacher, will be proud of me. Another Mark Twain classic is waiting nearby. Hm.

I saw my oncologist yesterday. I have stage 4 cancer, no drugs left to help me, and the tumor is growing. He says I look like I don't have cancer at all, and frankly, I feel okay (if you don't count "old".) What the heck? I was supposed to be in hospice by now. But I'm fixing dinner, cleaning the house (a miracle in and of itself),writing letters, talking to friends, and planning to have our carpets all redone. When does the "dying" part begin? Hm.

This life is sure not what I thought it would be. Anymore it seems so... abnormal. But my normals were getting so horrid. Abnormal is just fine. Thank God.