Use or Lose

My babies are home. Morgan is here. Sam is here. Even the boring days are more fun with them here. And trust me, we Richardsons do boring very well. Sitting on the couch, laughing, telling old jokes, watching reruns, you know, boring stuff. Love it!

We also do interesting stuff quite well. I just finished writing my second book, "Okay, Then" about raising an autistic son. Now comes the hard part - finding someone to publish it. Doable, but not my favorite activity. "Look at me! Love my work!" Ugh, I prefer no one look at me. Morgan is the gifted writer, for Pete's sake. But I'm the one who's lived the life in the story, so I'm the one who has to find the publisher.

Thank God for Leura, my editor. We've met two times, once in an office, once at Ian's funeral. I adore, trust and enjoy her, and frankly, feel comfortable now calling her my friend. She'll keep me in line and make me get it done.

So, what does Steve do? Well, pretty much everything else in our lives. He does all his work, 99% of mine, (okay, 100%) and just in the past week he's built and installed winter window coverings, carted multiple truck loads of leaves off to the dump, made all our meals, Christmas shopped, grocery shopped, done laundry, put up our Christmas tree, gotten up in the middle of the night to give me pain killers, nabbed a couple hours of sleep, and still gets up at 5:00 am to go to work each day.

Amazing. He is off for the next ten days. And that's only because he is at "use or lose" and it's time off now, or lose it forever. Yes, I love having him home. But, he makes me do more than I want. If he didn't, I'd fall apart, because everything hurts. He won't let me be a sissy. I get upset and I cry - in fact, a few of us cried tonight - but the hugs still come and we make it. He's right; I use it or I lose it. That's just the way life is.

I can't give up. Three people want and need me to get through this. Pain and misery be damned. I hate each moment, but it will be better. Their hugs and kisses are my medicine. I'll make it.