BAD NIGHT - GOOD DAY

Yesterday was the best day of my life. Well, since last November. I woke up with NO pain, feeling energized and thinking, "Wait, was the past four months just a bad dream?" I was so busy and not hurting that I thought I'd morphed into another person. It was unbelievable. I took no pain killers, yet worked all day and felt good all day. Wow.

Then I went to bed last night. Thus, the dream ended. Linda the cancer patient with ongoing pain was back. I barely slept, woke up on and off all night in agony, and could barely move this morning, my heating pad and hot water bottle still on and under me. I felt so "old lady". By this afternoon I had done...well, nothing of any importance.

This afternoon I went out to run a couple necessary errands, telling Sam I'd be back in about 15 minutes. And before I knew what hit me, Linda the contented was back.

June at the bank told me how she loved helping Sam recently to set up some bonds. She adores him and helps him in any way she can. My work there took only moments, but the 15 minute visit was quite uplifting. My needy, handicapped, brilliant son is able to do so much more than I know. People adore him. So do I. Yes, my Asperger's son who talks to basically no one, told her about his plans for writing, made her laugh, and left her glad she'd seen him. He was... normal.

I then ran down to the library to pick up a reserved book for Steve and order a couple Anne Lamott books for myself. While there, I saw a former customer. She noticed me and we stood talking for half an hour. What a joy to see this woman after so long. She thought I looked great (yeah, stage 4 cancer is quite becoming) and wondered if I was well. Um... actually, I did feel okay at that moment. Hm, I actually felt rather decent. Whodathunk?

Laughing, I told her about the Nov. surgery, my life expectancy, my ongoing pain, my weakness, and my basically weird "I'm not dead yet" life. She said, "Well, you look healthy and sound great." And I believed her. She even asked questions about where I go to church, and since we were standing a short walk from the one we attend, I pointed it out. She indicated she's been thinking about trying one. What?! I go from being mostly dead to talking to people about going to church? Life is so weird.

Then I got gas for Sam's car, which I had borrowed, and came home. I was gone a whole hour. What?! I only went 6 miles! But I realized there are people I never see who do care, that Sam is not a little boy who needs me every day, that bad nights can lead to very good days.

That Sam scolded me for an hour upon my return for putting dental floss in his bathroom (don't even ask) is immaterial. He and his Dad are now moving small furniture out of the bedrooms into the library. New carpeting is being installed tomorrow. On life goes.