GOOD NIGHT - BAD DAY

Well, it's reversed itself. After sleeping soundly all night, (from 7pm to 7am) I'm "up". Except I'm really down. Down as in I'm depressed and feel like crap. This could be a cold, though I don't really feel ill. Or it could be the cancer. Steve refused to go to work until I promised him I'd not die today. He didn't think that was funny. In fact, I think he's calling hospice. They have my name and number...waiting for the day they're needed.

All I know is that merely standing up for five seconds is too hard and I don't have the strength to get dressed. I'm wearing a pull over cap because my hair is, well... ugly, and taking a shower just might kill me. I can imagine that a powerful blast of water (otherwise known as a trickle) might just knock me flat. Seriously, I couldn't handle a puff of air right now.

I know God loves me, but He's not cooperating. He knows how I suffer on cloudy days, and this one is a dark misery of dreariness. My SADD lamp is glowing nearby; perhaps it will lift me up.

This morning I remembered where I was last November. 48 hours from hospice I agreed to surgery, then suddenly I had months (maybe) to live. What has this extra extra five months given me? Aside from more time with Steve, Morgan and Sam, I mean.

Well, I've developed a friendship with Christa, renewed an old acquaintance with Larry, finished my book about Sam, spent more time with friends, gotten to know Kathy and Peggy who live on the other side of the world, cleaned up some of my garden, reconnected with our old friend Beth, talked with Teri after 42 yrs. of silence, seen a few nieces and nephews who live so far away, and simply lived. It's been worth it.

Old friends are due in from FL in two days. I hope I can handle that. If not, I can lie on the couch and we'll tell jokes. Pat is one hilarious woman, and it will be good to see her.