How I See It

When things are going well, smile, throw your head back in triumph, pump your fist into the air and yell, "Yeah man, life is great!"

When life sucks, stand tall anyway, close your eyes in submission, pump your clenched fist into the air and cry out, "I hate this, but I'll get through it!"

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other." Ec.7:14:a

Aren't I godly? Sure...

I've been thinking lately about people I want to smack. Well, smack some truth into. I've thought that way too often in my life, and most people who were once in that category are now my friends. I got over myself. Still, there remain a few whom I need to "get over". It will come.

Take the woman next door who despises me. She'll figure out soon enough that my days are short, (a steady stream of floral deliveries, endless visitors, I'm invisibly not outside, Steve is home a lot...) but will she try to talk to me? Unlikely, but whether from hate or shame, I have no idea. Will she wait until I'm gone and offer sympathy to my family? I doubt they'd be thrilled with that "too little, too late" effort. Should I leave behind a note saying, "I don't hate you back and never did; I even prayed for you," so she'll know she was forgiven for her hatred of me? Maybe. Or would that make her even angrier? I have no idea. Only God knows, so perhaps He'll let me know.

There are others who were cruel to me whom I won't even name, but in my heart, I've moved way over toward forgiving their wounds against me. I mean, what's the point in holding on to pain? Most things and people who hurt me are history, long ago events that I can barely recall at this point. If they mean that little, why even go there? A small part of me would like to tell them it's okay, but knowing they are unlikely to even recall what they did or said to me, it seems pointless. God knows how I feel. It's over. I'm clean.

Frankly, my main concern is this: Would I have forgiven people if I was strong and healthy and cancer free? I sure hope so. Then again, this life of knowing I'll die is a good way to straighten out and fly right. I've said it before, this cancer probably saved my life. I promise to pray you get saved in easier ways!!

Whine time. My back is killing me. Wait, my cancer is killing me, but my back sure does hurt today. I'm tired. I'm not hungry, but I have to eat. The sky is CLOUDY again, and you know how that makes me feel. No one is here visiting, but I'm so weary, I couldn't visit anyway. Blah, blah, blah.

Oh, I have to write again to Christa and Kathy and Peggy and.... I have lots to do. Morgan is due again in a few days, and so is Renee and Don and Rodney and Zoe.... there are 5 (five!) bouquets of fresh flowers around the house, all sent from people who love us.

After writing this, I pretty much think I'm over it all. All those former "jerks" are now simply people I once knew ... human and flawed just like me. I know I'm forgiven by God; I hope I'm forgiven by anyone I hurt.

Wait, I just saw a peep of blue in the sky. "Yeah man, life is great!"